I'm at my desk, typing with one hand. Pretty sleepy and unmotivated. I had a meeting this noon, discussing about what it seems like pretty useless. So right now, I'm pretty much;

a. pretending to be doing some work

b. trying hard not to sleep

Actually I have another blog that I maintained since 2 years ago. The problem is, I can't really write what I really feel coz I'm happened to be gay. I'm not flamboyant or queen-ish or anything like that. I'm your regular guy who enjoy sports, chillin with my friends, motorbike, outdoors and stuff, it just I happen to dig other guys.

I'm starting to accept the fact that I'm not normal. I know normal is overrated, but I do hope that I would turn straight. It sometimes frustrate me that I don't feel anything toward girls (well accept for really hot girls). The more I struggle, the more I realize that being gay or straight will not change anything about me. I'm still the foul mouth asshole everyone knows and loves.

I just keep this stuff in coz I know not everybody is ready for the reality. I'm afraid if I turn myself in, I'll lost everything I built in vain all these years. Life is not rosy. But I think one day, I will straighten things out. I know not everyone will spew rainbows or break into Broadway chorus, but at least that time, I'll lost half the burden that dragging me down all these years.
I do hope that I'll find the love of my life be it a boy or a girl. But before that I have to find myself first.